Just Shh

You know it's really funny, me talking to you like this. I never imagined sitting down at a table somewhere nice where you have to roll your cuffs up with you, of all people. I mean, as much as we knew eachother, we never knew eachother. You heard about me and you made opinions and I saw your stares and I wondered what you were wondering about. I watched them grow with a passion of dispassionate, cool disgust. I am the embodiment of everything you detest aren't I? I find that amusing. I think it's crazy someone could be afraid of me or my potential, but maybe it's because I know myself personally and don't hold great stock in either of those things.

I just....

I hate you

So

God

damn

much.
I don't even know if you know how I feel, felt, ever might. You passed judgement on me before I entered the room. I tried impressing you. I tried ignoring you. I just think honestly, my life wouldn't be better without you or anything, just, I think it would be better if you were dead. That's all.

Like I said, crazy we're talking this all out now. I don't even care anymore. I cared too late. I let it get to me after I lost the fight. Your tiny jabs. My waning ego. Your smug smile. Now it hurts. And now I don't even exist to you.