Hello Doctor

Your floor is cold...My shoes? Well I took them off when you left the room, they're in the corner...What? Because I couldn't feel your floor...Oh yes, my problems. Could you turn the lights down? They're too bright...No I don't think I have eaten anything today...No that's not all too uncommon. Is that uncommon, doctor?

Sometimes I sit, that's a lie, I'm always sitting. And I have these things inside of me, things that are both abstract and as tangible as this here chair. I freeze, and I feel less like a person and more like a ceramic cage, a vase, or luggage...What? No I've never thought about killing myself, why would you even say that doctor?? I'm not depressed, just let me explain please. Yes, yes I know you are a medical doctor and not a therapist. God, what, you think I'm nuts or something? I came here with a medical inquiry. You just have to listen.

Sometimes I have these dreams, thoughts, ideas, ideals, i don't knows. They're like little paper airplanes in my cage of a vase head. They soar up from my inside, and out through my ears. They explore the world and are free to be viewed and view others. I can feel them flow, like on air. This is a metaphor of course doctor, don't mistake me for a loon. Please.

But my feelings, my interworking cogs of moral or ethical confusion and solace, are sometimes not free flying paper planes. Sometimes they are dark things, little monsters who grope at my neck from where they are lodged in the pit of my stomach. I tense up, almost vomit, and try to hold them in with my insides. But they claw until I cannot speak them. So they go into my head where I cannot help but think them. And once they see an opportune time through my eyes, and hear a whisper hush from my ears, they crawl out my mouth like grotesque spiders.

It's involuntary, like a gag doctor. I have these things in my head and I cannot keep from spewing it at your feet. This is my problem.

If I must choose from letting loose all my inner-workings or none at all, I would surely be plugged like a fine wine and sealed back to where I couldn't do any more harm. Please, don't look at me like that...What? No I am not on any medication and no I don't want any. Don't you even want to check me first? My throat or my ears? What is the medicine for if you don't know them problem? Well yes I just explained it, but you obviously don't understand or you wouldn't be looking at me like that.

Sir I am going to get another opinion.

No I did not forget my shoes.

I hope you don't make a practice out of ignoring those whose lives you could save, doctor.

I certainly hope you don't.