Hello Old Year

I've been lagging, it's the holiday season. It's my birthday, I'm officially a year older, fitting as the year itself comes to a close. Funny, how now most animals are packed tightly beside eachother for warmth now, thinking of making their young who will hatch in spring. Odd that my parents chose the opposite.

It snowed on the day I was born in that hospital in Houston that is no longer there. It didn't snow there again until this year. I feel that might be symbolic of my life starting over. I have come to grips with losing my grips.

I think once you feel in control of something the time is right for it to change so that you must once again begin from the bottom and think your way out. I think it's time I stopped being an accomplished teenager and started being a worthless young adult. I am inspired by my want for financial security and well-being for my family as they age, not by my musings of art or conceptual feelings of hope and change. I feel that if I can accomplish a lot very quickly, I can coast on for some time, trying to figure out what I genuinely want to do, not what will make me money.

I keep trying to find ways around the average life that every human leads, learn, work, retire, live off of what you earned when you could work while you idle your time until it's over. I think everyone tries to find their own way out, but everyone does this to some degree. Everyone dies. Everyone goes on to whatever there is (or isn't) after where we all are right now. And for the most part, everyone can handle that.

My parents told me, "God never gives you more than you can handle." And so far, that has held true. So far, every time I have been on the brink of breaking down and giving up, I've managed to make it through either by taking the high road, or being dragged by the feet to the finish line. I think I am invincible, as I have heard many at this age do, but not because I am special or can do anything. I feel like I could endure anything now, like this here, this life I am living now, is very nice, and I could have much less.

Very close to 19 years ago, I was a small baby in a hospital somewhere in Texas. Now I am a young man, firmly settled in Florida, eagerly awaiting the world to come at me, much like a newborn. I do not know what it is I am tense for, I do not know what to anticipate. All I can do is learn as much as I can about everything, and hope it leads me on to somewhere new.

At the close of the year, I am happy, I have grown. I feel it was a bit late, but I think I am always a bit behind. Luckily I look about as old as I feel. I think the cold air is a very tolerable annoyance, considering that I have a family to give gifts to, and a love to snuggle under blankets with. God has never given me anything I couldn't handle so far, so I'm taking the initiative to become an accomplished young man, before the cool weather leads way to spring, and a new round of fresh faced teenagers take up my old haunts as their own.

Brandon Flowers said
"...Someone will drive her around
on the same streets that I did...
So smile like you mean it."